not only im the 3rd child, i come in 3rd place

well, evryone keeps asking me, why arent u close to your family... ppl tells me tht wateva problems i have i can always rely on my family... but im second guessing myself if thts true.

if you know me well, you will know tht i was never close to my family. its not tht i never try to but i did try and its always unsuccessful. now more than ever, ive jst plainly given up hope in trying. it jst sumhow feels, if you are not contributing to the family in cash wise, you've got no say in things and you are not loved more...

at least its how i feel with my mum nowadays. evryone in the family tells me tht i was always the one loved most by my mum and now i ask myself if it was really true. id always thot my mum loved us all the same but ever since i came here, the connection was never the same anymore.

i lost them for 2 yrs when they came here to work, when i come here, things jst dont feel the same anymore. bfore i came here when i was in msia, i thot i need them more than ever but ever since i came here, i dont know if i truly need them. sigh... its a long story and evry has their own family problems... but at the mo, im jst tired to try to figure this whole thing out.

sigh, im keeping quiet for now, and jst be a loner in the family... hope things will turn out better for me...